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Chrissi

These poems tell how I feel. No one understands what I am going through. They think I am just in a funk, and I just need to "pull myself out of it" but if I could do that I would have by now. I wont kill myself because I have a three year old daughter and she needs me. But then I feel like Im not good enough as a parent. And I know that I have no choice but to go on, but I am tired of just existing. I dont want a life like this. I dont feel like the meds I am on are working but I dont feel like my doctor is willing to put me on anything stronger, because I have alot of other health problems. I have ballooned up to 280 lbs and I have no energy, no strength, no vitality and I wish that It would just go away and I could feel like I regained my life back. No one seems to understand what I am going through. Oh if you could just get some friends, or oh if you would just exercise or oh you are just being dramatic, or just pull out of it. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. I dont want my life to be this way. I turn 35 on wednesday. I am too young to be old. I feel I am living in hell.

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